Bruckner and Domesticity

It’s Bruckner’s “Romantic” symphony, the Symphony No. 4 in E-flat major on the radio, and there are few things more romantic than shared domesticity. Note that there are a few things more romantic.

Nevertheless, here are some tips that I’ll share with no intent to insult those who may have discovered all of them.

  • To clean your toothbrush (regularly, or after a bout with a head cold), put it in the dishwasher—if your dishwasher is a machine, that is. If it is a person, then do not do this; do not even think about it.
  • To get some “sticky” off something after peeling a label, use something more sticky like packing tape. Just dab at it, and it will come off nicely.
  • Oh, that dishwasher: if it is a machine and you happen to be awake when it finishes the cycle, open it slightly by putting a towel or something in the door and your dishes will be drier in the morning. You will also have some clean, humid air to breathe.
  • Put your peanut or almond butter in the fridge and it will be easier to eat by the spoonful.
  • Ketchup and mustard may be refrigerated, but generally there is enough acid in them to store just as well unrefrigerated to save room. And, they taste better.
  • Butter, of course of course, tastes better at room temperature. But it should be stored, of course of course, in the fridge.
  • Don’t use a microwave unless you just cannot help yourself.
  • Baking soda is perhaps the most useful item in the kitchen, just ask R. F. Capon. The myriad uses are too many to list. Research them, and think of me.
  • Houseplants help keep the air in your domecile more pure. They also benefit from infrequent watering, and most often die from over watering.
  • Shaving cream can be used to clean carpet spots, minor stains on clothing, as a fun time in the bath for children, and for shaving too.
  • For grease stains, quickly apply dish soap, and then rinse thoroughly.
  • To remove the delighful smell of an onion from your hands, wash them under cold water while rubbing them with stainless steel. A spoon can work, but those stainless steel scrub pads are ideal. There is a scientific reason this works, but I prefer to believe that it is magic.
  • When eating out, always request a lemon with your water. At the end of the meal, use the lemon to remove any food smells from your hands. Then, eat the lemon while looking at your dinner partner (should you be fortunate to have one) and try not to make a sour face. I haven’t done this, but it sounds fun.
  • Wrapping a damp towel on the end of a broom makes a fine mop. You can spray cleaner on the floor and push your broom/mop around, pretending to dance.
  • I am making most of these up as I go along while listening to Bruckner and I think I am close to getting sleepy, so I will go to the dishwashing machine and get my toothbrush, inhale the humid air, and play with some shaving cream before going to bed. I think I will write a message on the mirror with my can of Barbasol, and see if it is there in the morning.

Sweet dreams . . .