I feel like writing again but have too much to say with words . . .
So, with ample indulgence on your part, let me just give a kind of oxymoronic detailed synopsis of the past week and today. This may not be of interest but as I said, I feel like writing and I paid my electricity bill, so there is still wifi and my MacBook Pro is charged up.
Let’s play good news/bad news. Spoiler alert: it’s gonna end with good news!
Good news: Coming out my post-surgery funk and all of the other life-altering changes and then coming to terms with my non-fatal flaw, and then entering back into work for a week, after all of that, last week—my second week back to work—was glory in comparison. When I arrived each evening at my new digs here, it felt good and better.
Bad news: I am tired a lot because I am working a lot.
Good news: It’s good for me right now. It makes me stay focused and somewhat regimented and is secure and provides adequately and has primo benefits.
Bad news: It is probably too late in the year for me to plant anything in my garden plot (I think I mentioned that they gave me a plot after putting me on a list and me dropping a hint to the head of groundskeeping about having a certificate in Permaculture).
Good news: The garden being up the hill and to the right, as the best of gardens are, my plot is ideally situated. It is a corner plot at the intersection of three paths, so access is easy. It is larger than expected, perhaps 3 by 4 meters. It faces south/southeast longitudinally so at this latitude it will get all the sun has to offer all day. This will also allow me to plant larger to smaller crops back to front, so nothing is blocking that precious light. There is abundant irrigation. Did I mention that I have a certificate in Permaculture? Yes, I did, so it will be pesticide free, relying on a natural balance of healthy soil which will yield healthy plants and the surrounding area is wild enough to contain a good mix of natural predators for any insects that dare to try to eat what I want to eat. And my plot is near the center of the garden so any insects may find their fill before arriving at mine anyway. It is also adjacent to the gazebo where a certain bench is, and just behind that is a rocky bluff that will provide abundant runoff of water and nutrients. I plan to sheet mulch it for the winter (overlapping layers of clean cardboard on top of any growth already there, layered in a reverse shingle fashion so that rain can leach into the soil below rather than run off like from shingles on a roof. I will cover that with some soil, peat moss, and a top layer of protective bark dust. Come the first hint of spring, it will be ready with an extra layer of rich composted matter and soil on top of what is already there. “No till” is the way to go. Nature has done some hard work building up the proper layers, so why should we come along and mess them up? There is no good reason. And if I am not here in spring—I will go anywhere anytime the Path leads—then it will be ready for some lucky schmuck who may very well till the crap out of it (good crap being an excellent fertilizer). Wow, that was a lot of good news.
Bad news: I haven’t a reason to get down in the dumps for brief spells, but I do because I do not know what is going on half the time aka IHNI, but it passes. I have few needs, none of them large, but needs are real and they are inherent to being human, and I do receive, just in time!, some things that I need. So, I guess that means . . .
Good news: Yea, it comes, just in time, that thing that I need (or at least I think I need it), and dear God it is so sweet when it arrives, by whatever means. And what I thought I needed tonight came as I sat alone in the garden where my plot is, praying and then wander/wonder-ing.
Bad news: Did I mention that I work all the time?
Good news: I always have off on Sundays.
Bad news: I am not quite rested and healed, but it takes time I know.
Weird news: Those dreams I had last night! I came home, cleaned up, settled in and wrote what appears below entitled “I Await the Light of Dawn”, and decided to sit on it for a day to see what I could see today on Sunday, day one, and then maybe post it later. I went to sleep at a decent hour and dreamed bizarreness. I had one dream and then I woke up at 12:02 a.m. and took notes on my phone. Then I slept more, dreamed the second dream with a part A and part B, it seems, or possibly it was a total of three separate dreams and woke up at between 2 and 3 a.m. I documented all of it on my phone in the notes, and then slept more and woke up refreshed. The dreams were epic enough to document that way and then I was going to put them right here after this semicolon:
But they are not on my phone and not in the cloud, thus not on my computer . . . I cannot find them anywhere.
The first dream, which I took lengthy notes on I do not now remember.
In the next dreams, I remember a male and female, dressed in animal skins in a kind of pen surrounded by friendly living animals, all of them somewhat happy looking, but there was some kind of disagreement. And the male and female were clearly being held captive, but the pen was very large.
Then the scene seemed to shift or flow into a situation in which there was a significant amount of interaction with the U.S. Navy (I have the sense that the setting was not the U.S., but the officials spoke American English) and I was being interrogated, albeit nicely. Then in part B or dream 3, I was beside the sea when a large, unknown and partially submerged (hidden) creature swam up and spoke to me saying, “Taki. Taki, Alla . . . ” and four more syllables (Bola-Bola?) that I cannot clearly recall. After that, the chief spokesperson for the navy, who was herself a civilian expert in sea life, said that the large creature was called the Father Creature (in her translation from Latin in my dream).
Was this all a dream, even the notetaking? Now IHNI. At any rate, the Father Creature spoke to me again after the interrogation was over, this time with no sound (the first communication had been musical in its tone, although I was hearing words) and this second time he spoke telepathically, saying “You have heard the voice of the Father Creature.” And then I woke up.
I will call that good news, and here is some more:
I Await the Light of Dawn
I await the light of dawn,
the coming of the first of days;
dark night ending; just, in time;
for Father to make straight more ways;
the toll of toil with little rest;
nights of slumber, dreaming still;
keeping watch for but one rose,
ever am and ever will.
Of the cost: I have no care
(such his beauty, worth the price).
Father keeps me in his hand,
his promise sealed once more than twice.
Until the dawn then, night it is
and soon the light will overcome
this shadow of the lack of sight.
Day one come; may it be his . . .
Photograph “Always a Rose on Plum Drive” © 2018 Timothy Waugh