God, I am yours, you know that. You know all of this as well as what I am thinking and praying and have written and am about to write and you are already in all of it. I know that.
But, I write. It’s what I do, what I can do for now (and for all this life, I hope). I write for you, God, and I write for you, reader. And yes, I write for myself. I can do more and will, but for now, I write. So I am writing for the same three reasons or purposes or priorities—they are desires!—yes that’s the word. It is coming back to me now in my own words like in A Venn Diagram Named Desire.
My desires are these, God:
- To know you and honor you. These are one thing.
- To bless others in helping them to know you (and by so doing, to honor you and enable them to honor you).
- To know you and honor you and bless others with another or others, as you wish.
So, I find myself today, being tested yet again in my desires. And, I am fine now. You know this, and you know also that a few hours ago, I was not so fine. No one knew, of course, but I did and you already did . . .
It keeps happening to me, and I think I know why. Each time, since I have become aware, that I speak truth, delivering it like I do (you have called me to do this, so I do it), something happens. If it is a truth that I fully know, then it just blesses and rests, growing in another or others, and it rests easily with me. And it is fairly glorious.
At other times, I deliver truth but I do not fully know it, haven’t lived it; it’s not been tested in me. I know it’s true, must be, but I don’t know it. So, at those times, like yesterday/today, well holy crap, God, you are so quick to administer the test. It is an examination really in the most soul-searching sense of it, complete with occasional essay questions and some prodding and poking before a prognosis is offered. There is no grading system here with these exams, it is simply pass or fail. So, you’ve done it again . . .
Someone just reminded me of a quote (originally by Robin Sharma?):
“The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”
Well, that statement immediately took hold, sunk in, and produced effects for me. Nothing further to write about it for now.
And then they reminded me to draw on my higher self, and remember that it is my higher self that must guide me (and I am thinking as they say this, from a slightly different reality view, that it is my heart and soul and mind and my strength, all the while giving those to you fully, as I desire to do.
That’s it, again. It is the same thing, really, that all of us who are thoughtful (and I doubt that you are here if you are not) try to figure out: “what’s it all about anyway?”
Well, God. I am yours. That is who I am.
And, I pray that this blesses others and you.
And, I pray that I may bless others with you . . .
Well, that’s it for today. The next three days are a continuation of the exam, one of the most extensive yet for me, I believe.