I need to do that. It is actually a not doing, to be still.
To be still is to be, just be.
2B or not 2B, which room is it?
I am discovering that it is not currently easy, at all, for me to be still. Oh, good, it is not just be still; there is an “and” after the being: “know that I am God.”
Be still, and know that I am God.”
I did. I do. I am. Almost. Because a song came on, again, in this coffee shop and I nearly died. So I stopped writing and left. To be still. And, thank God, I am alive again. Quite alive, although I almost died barely an hour ago.
I have convinced myself that writing is my way of doing the “be still” thing, and that is the problem: they are not the same. Writing needs to be what I may do after being still. And after being still, knowing God. But if I go into it in order to know God, well, let’s just say that it could very well result in idolatry; it may have become to me a god that falls far short of the true God, in whom we live and move and have our being. I want to curse now, such is the depth of my —%#*&^@— no words there, because I am not sure what to say. You see, I should know these things. They form the basis of my life. Yet, I am increasingly needing reminders. And I am needing those reminders, even with every word I type. Thank the true God that I am being led to them. Increasingly, as needed.
Here is why I am writing about this:
The other day when I went to experience the presence of God with the Franciscans, I was given a book. It is a book of daily readings, and each reading has a quote. The quotes are from a wide range of sources like Teilhard de Chardin, Carl Jung, and so forth, under the heading of Remember. And then there are Reading, Ponder, and Prayer/Practice sections. I have all of my life eschewed such guides, thinking them . . . what, beneath me? A waste of time, when I can go to the sources myself? I have no idea why, and it matters not. Stupid to eschew when I should have chewed, feasted. This book can be such a feast now. And it is, as of 11 April 2018, the day after “Free Cone Day” at Ben and Jerry’s, the same day I gave myself three free passes and used them. And I am sorry for my motives and my thinking.
There is no such thing as a free . . . pass. Every so-called pass carries a cost/benefit analysis attached to it, and I would do well, henceforth, to complete in full the analysis for each one. Enough about that.
The reading for today, you can guess.
It was Psalm 46:8-11:
Come, behold the works of the LORD,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
The word רָפָה (raphah) means to sink or relax. It is a verb, and it is odd in that respect because verbs are action words, and this is non-action. So, so difficult for me, it is to do nothing (except in this case it is to do that nothing with intention).
Well, I wrote all of that quite some time ago, and since then I have had things (I tell myself I had them) to do. They are done, and they all were good and beneficial to others, and to me probably, but it is time to sink.
I am tempted, really, just to erase everything in the top half. But, it was at that time where it was, and it still is. When I write about Peace, it is real. And it still is. Joy. Faith. Grace. Songs and Music. Places. Moments. Even time. And Love. They are all eternal and present and beautiful.
Hope, too, is one of those things, all of which are just aspects of the One, the All. If a condition, they would be symptoms. Instead, they are beneficial signs of health and vitality, and the prognosis is Hope. It is Faith. It is Love.
I am going to try to relax, by not trying to do that. Sink? I can allow that to happen, so help me God.
I pray, earnestly, that you may too, and that these words do not hinder in any way our coming to know God. May the Lord of hosts be with us.